I want to walk on stilts...naked
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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