Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
