his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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