Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
