a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
