I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
