i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
