i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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