It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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