I heard we made out
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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