I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Randomize
