woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I take back everything I said about communal showers
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
