It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize