broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
