Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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