Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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