I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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