apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
