Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
