its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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