I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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