Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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