The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
