i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
