I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Shame - the story of my life.
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