You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
