just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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