3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
May the power of my ass compel you!!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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