I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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