I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
