Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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