do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
