i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
