he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
