she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
