it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
