True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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