she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
