wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
