You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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