Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
