I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize