we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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