You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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