Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize