you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
