Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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