He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
PANTIES FOUND
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