I feel like abortions should bother me more
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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