I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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