"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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