OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
