one two three fourrrrnication!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
