he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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