Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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