do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize