i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I would fuck him just for his dog
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
