They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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