I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
