I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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