I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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