Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
