Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
