dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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