It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
