I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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