I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
