I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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